Wednesday, May 16, 2012

You Know You’re a Fantasy Writer When…

All your character names are so long and confusing it takes a college professor to decipher how to sound them out correctly.

Your main character is referred to as “The Chosen One” more than their actual name.

Usage of the words left or right are forbidden, it’s always “to the west” or “eastwards”.

All your landmarks are enormous. The idea of a “small forest” is absurd.

Every single one of your world’s historical characters have at least one song written about them.

Your main character’s best friend happens to be a talking animal.

Rodents are no smaller than a St. Bernard.

The insect population is almost down to zero because there always seems to be a spider larger than your character’s house somewhere nearby.

Every single one of your characters just happen to know how to expertly use a sword.

Words such as magical, evil, fantastical, or hero tend to take up half of your novel’s word count.

You begin wondering what the point in your princess characters is because all they ever do is get captured, no matter how hard you try to prevent it.

You find your characters yelling out “Alas!” on a constant basis.

Every elder your characters ever speak to has “infinite wisdom” and yet are very cryptic with their information. They also tend to be really good at rhyming.

All your horses (which there usually is many of) always seem to be much more intelligent than those from the real world.

The main character of every single one of your novels happens to be an orphan.

Your villain either lives in a giant tower or foreboding castle. No other abode would ever do.

Dragons. Everywhere. Need I say more?

Everything is far away. It doesn’t matter where your characters are; if they need to get there, it’s going to be far.

It takes an entire page just to describe the intricateness and abundance of clothing your character is wearing.

Celtic sounding music always seems to fit with the feel of your novel.

Your main character most often has an item he/she needs located right in the very middle of places such as “The Forbidden Forest”, “The Volcano of Doom”, “The Raging River”, or “The Swamp of Death”.

Weapons that are gold are usually very important.

All the mountains seem to always have secret passages through them.

The majority of your characters happen to have pointed ears.

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