2017 is HALFWAY OVER, GUYS. HALFWAY. *faints* And next thing you know, August is going to be here.
With August, for many, comes Big Life Decisions. Maybe May for you was a flurry of graduation excitement. Some finished high school, others college. While many of you are getting prepped to return to school.
I had multiple graduations to attend in May, and I know many people who are stepping out to do many new, exciting, and maybe even scary things. And others are trying to decide what they want to spend the rest of their life doing.
With this transition of summer quickly slipping toward August, for a lot of people, the doubts start coming in. The questions. The fears. What do you want to do with your life? Are you making the right life decisions? What if you make the Wrong Decision? What if you mess up? What if you change your mind? What will everyone think? Or maybe you’re not headed to a change. Maybe you’re already settled into a life, but unsure if it’s the right one. And those same doubts and fears creep in. Are you wasting your life? Should you make a change? What does everyone expect from you?
If this sounds familiar, I have some advice for you…
STOP.
Okay, okay. Obviously we all have to make decisions in life, and that’s GOOD (even if it doesn’t seem like it). It’s gotta be done. As lovely as it’d be, we can’t really spend our entire life watching Netflix. (Just some of it.) So what am I getting at here? Well, let me tell you a story…
From the moment I started kindergarten, I was homeschooled. I was a homeschooler throughout my entire schooling years. And then I *GASP* chose not to go to college. I went for years without ever having a job, and only now have a little part time one. I’m not married, never even have had a boyfriend before, and still live with my parents. In the world’s eyes, I’m a complete failure.
According to the world, this is the set Life Pattern: Go to school, directly go to college (taking a year or two break after graduating high school is just dumb and lazy. How dare you take a break after being at school for 12 years, and not immediately decide what you’re going to do for the rest of your life at the age of 18. Psssh.), find a fulltime job you must stick with forever, get married the second you graduate college, have only two kids and maybe one dog, raise your two children to be a doctor and lawyer respectively, move into a retirement home, die. The End.
Ooookay, maybe that’s a smidgeon dramatic. But, ya know, from my own experience sometimes it feels like that’s exactly what’s expected of everyone. And if you break away from the Life Pattern you’re a failure. You’re lazy and no good and what even are you doing with your life?
Obviously, I’m the biggest Failure of them all. Not only was I one of those Weird Homeschoolers, I didn’t go to college. I don’t have a fulltime job. I don’t even have a boyfriend. I’m 25! I should have a career by now. Or be married with 5 children. Sheesh, I’m practically old maid status. I should at least have my own apartment and not be living with my parents. Right? Right???
I’m gonna be honest with you guys. Sometimes I do believe these things. Sometimes (okay, a lot of the time…) I listen to the voices of doubt, let them make me think I’m a lazy, no good failure who’s wasting her life. Sometimes I wonder if I should be making changes. If I should have done things differently. And then God gets a hold of me and reminds me: I’m exactly where He wants me to be.
Because here’s the thing about the Life Pattern. It’s not GOD’S PATTERN.
God does not call us to follow the “social norm”. He does not have a set copycat lifestyle for every human on the planet. He has an amazing and unique plan for each and every one of us. And yes, sometimes His plans seem positively ridiculous.
I think everyone thought Noah was a total loon when he set out to build a ginormous boat in a place with no water. I have no doubt the people of Jericho shook their heads at the complete and utter insanity of Joshua when he marched his army around the Jericho walls every single day for a week.
God doesn’t take common sense into account. He often calls us to live in the most strange of ways. And you know what? It’s absolutely wonderful.
Oswald Chambers said it best:
“If a person is ever going to do anything worthwhile, there will be times when he must risk everything by his leap in the dark. In the spiritual realm, Jesus Christ demands that you risk everything you hold on to or believe through common sense, and leap by faith into what He says. Once you obey, you will immediately find that what He says is as solidly consistent as common sense.By the test of common sense, Jesus Christ’s statements may seem mad, but when you test them by the trial of faith, your findings will fill your spirit with the awesome fact that they are the very words of God. Trust completely in God, and when He brings you to a new opportunity of adventure, offering it to you, see that you take it.
Living God’s way is so, so much better than conforming to what society expects of you.
Now, it’s not going to be easy. Like I said, I often let the voices of doubt into my head. And I have dealt with raised eyebrows and judgmental looks from people my entire life. I’m sure all my fellow homeschoolers are quite familiar with that raised eyebrow one receives when one must answer The Question: “Where do you go to school?” But I only thought that was bad. It only got worse when I graduated. Now the question is, “Where do you go to college?” or “What are you studying to be?” When I answer with, “I didn’t go to college,” I’ve feared some people were about to lose their eyebrows completely they went so far up their heads. I’ve literally had a couple of people just kind of stop talking to me and move on to one of the more “successful” people around me. Because apparently I’m just too uneducated and weird to bother having a conversation with.
Disclaimer: I’m going to pause here to quickly say, I am not against college. We need doctors and lawyers and a billion other things. College is important! I know I probably sound like I’m totally anti-college with all this ranting. I’m not! I’m just anti-you-must-go-to-college-or-you’re-a-complete-failure thing that seems to be the world’s viewpoint. I feel like these days people see it as a sin to not go to college! College is a choice, not a have-to. Yes, we need to go through school. Obviously. Gotta learn how to do math and read. But afterwards, it’s up to you what to do, and you shouldn’t be shamed by that. Isn’t the world all about freewill right now? So why are we still shaming each other for not going to college? (But I’ve got to stop, because this post isn’t about college, despite appearances. Ahem.)
Every person has a reason why they do or do not do something.
Since I can’t be physically active all the time, but love people, I took up blogging and have the most spectacular circle of people in the world. Blogging and writing and socializing with my many blogging/writing/reading peeps brings me indescribable joy every single day.
Homeschooling was a huge blessing with my health problems as well. Not to mention just amazing! I made my very bestest friends via my homeschool group. (Because yes, we do actually *gasp* socialize.)
I still live at home because this is where I’m supposed to be right now. And where I want to be. I love my family. We’re all a support system for each other. Why would I leave the place I’m supposed to be because it’s “shameful” for a 25 year old to still be living with their parents?
In the world’s eyes, I do nothing but use most of my time sitting around on the computer. But being a writer is a fulltime job. (Which is a whole topic of its own and one I hope to write a post on very soon, so I won’t go into that…yet. *grins*) Like I said, I’m colleging myself (and, yes, we’re totally pretending “colleging” is a word, shhh). I am working toward a career.
Each person is different. We can’t follow a certain Life Pattern. And why would we even want to?
Go to college, don’t go to college. Get married young, get married later in life. Don’t get married at all. Have one kid, have twelve. Have a career, stay at home. Go out and be a missionary in a foreign country or reach people via a blog.
God has a specific and wonderful and amazing and adventurous and totally spectacular plan for YOU.
As you make those dreaded Life Decisions, shut out the world’s judgmental eyebrow raising and expectations of following a Pattern. Don’t make a permanent decision that you don’t even want to do just because the world pressured you into it. Seek out God’s expectations, His plans for you. However crazy they may seem.
Because it’s much better to hear God say “Well done, my good and faithful servant” and receive all the raised eyebrows in the world, than bending to the world’s expectations and having our Savior disappointed in us.
Whew! Okay, I know that was long and ranty. Buuut, this post was bound to show up eventually. It’s a rant my patient family has to hear at least weekly. I knew it’d appear on the blog sooner or later. (Really, I’ve kind of wanted to write this post since I started blogging… I don’t know why it took me so long.) But now I want to hear your thoughts! (Goodness knows you’ve had enough of mine.) Do you relate to this? Do we share any of the same struggles? Are you at a point where you’re making those Big Life Decisions? Or perhaps questioning your decisions because of the world’s judgy eyes? I would love to talk with you or pray for you if you need it. So share away in the comments!
This was beautiful, Christine. And it's so true- regardless of what we think we should be doing with our lives, we should do what God calls us to. For me, I think that will be going straight to college and then into a full-time advocacy career, and while I want writing to be important, I think the work God has called me to devote the majority of my life to is something else. I'm getting ready to embark on an adventure that is the first step in that direction, and I can't imagine doing anything else with my future at this point. So... thank you for this post. Thank you for being brave enough to post it. Stuff like this is so important.
ReplyDeleteAwww, thank you, Faith! You're so precious. <3
DeleteI absolutely love how you're pursuing exactly what you think God wants you to pursue. That is so beautiful and fantastic. I know He will bless you for following His path. I'm praying your new adventure will be wonderful!
Thank YOU! You always encourage me! ^_^
Lauri I love you and this is the best post ever and thank you. <33333 I SO AGREE. I was recently feeling that "doubt" when asked about what I'm doing with my life or where I'm going to college and was floundering for answers. It's HARD to meet the raised eyebrow or even to just not know what you're supposed to do yet! I definitely don't have it figured out. But it's important to take the right road, not the one prescribed by society (unless that happens to be right for you. ;)). I love that you are embracing where you are and recognizing that it's where you need to be. And you are SO FAR from being a failure in my eyes! <333 You're amazing and I'm so glad to know you. THANK YOU for writing this post, because the world desperately needs to hear it and just yes I love it so much. THANK YOU! *all the hugs*
ReplyDelete(Also, that paragraph about how life is supposed to go, including "have only two kids and maybe one dog, raise your two children to be a doctor and lawyer respectively" = priceless. XD I'm laughing so hard. XDDD
Also, also: I love your photography! <3)
This post made my day. Thank you. ^_^
CELTI. Your comment is literally going to make me cry!
DeleteIt is so hard, isn't it? I just hate that PRESSURE society puts on you. Why is it so wrong to be a homeschooler and not go to college? We're not a hive mind. We CAN do things differently. And we also don't HAVE to have our entire lives figured out by the time we're 18. That's just ridiculous. It's okay to take a while to figure it out and try new things. I think it's GOOD. Because that way we'll discover what we like and don't like, instead of being stuck with something for the rest of our lives that we may discover we don't like. I absolutely love how you worded it, "But it's important to take the right road, not the one prescribed by society." Yes! Exactly. There is no set "prescription" for life. We all have different roads to take.
Lol! It's so crazy, but I've literally come across a ton of people who seem to think that's the way everyone should live. I just...I don't understand. XD
AGH. CELTI. I just can't with you!!! Your comment means the WORLD to me. Every bit of it. You're such an encouragement to me! <333333
It's definitely hard to answer those questions some times. I decided not to go to college, 1. because I had no interest in it and 2. because I didn't think it would be helpful at this time. I'm an artist and have taken many classes over the years, and I just wanted to be able to work on my own. Not to mention my brother and I are creating a board game, so you could say that my art is turning into a profession.
ReplyDeleteThanks for this post!
~Hannah~
YES. That was a big reason I ended up not going to college as well. I realized I could actually do better by NOT going to college. Obviously sometimes you need it, but why do you HAVE to go? There are soooo many career options that have no need for college.
DeleteAnd oh my goodness, you're creating a board game? THAT IS SO AWESOME!!! I hope it all goes amazingly for you guys. I love how you're pursuing your dream like that!
I agree! If you're not pursuing a specific degree for something that you can't get a job without it, then it can just be a great drain on your money.
DeleteThank you! I hope it goes well too!
~Hannah~
Yes! Precisely! It consumes your life for 2 to 4 years (or even longer depending on what you're doing) AND puts you in debt. That's perfectly fine if you need a degree for something, but otherwise...why go through all that? I don't know. People's mentalities need to alter on this whole college thing. Haha.
DeleteThank you Christine, for this post! I chose college because the jobs that I wish to go for require a degree.
ReplyDeleteIt's important to note that even if you do everything right by the Life's Pattern, you still won't be successful. I'm right now getting ready to go to graduate school, and I'm working on getting job experience, but I don't have a boyfriend either or have a clue where my next job will be once these temporary jobs stop. While I'm working my way up, I could come crashing down very easily.
Our society has been so focused on material success, we have lost our focus on the Divine. Once people figure this out, I think it will go better for us young folks trying to make it out here.
Catherine
catherinesrebellingmuse.blogspot.com
That's exactly what college is for! If your career choice needs a degree, then you should DEFINITELY go to college! I love how you're pursuing your job choice like that. ^_^
DeleteYES, YES, YESSS. That is SUCH a wonderful point! I don't think anybody in the world has a perfect life. That's why we must seek God and find our joy in HIM, instead of looking to worldly success for our happiness. Because that will only bring disappointment. I love how you worded it!
Thanks for this. I needed this right now. I took a similar path. I thought about college, but I also opted out because of mental health issues. (I didn't know it at the time, but looking back at the time I would have probably dropped out because I was under so much stress during my senior year because of familial drama.) Despite that I feel like I've been colleging myself too since I've studied the writing craft diligently. It's good to know I'm not alone.
ReplyDeletestoritorigrace.blogspot.com
Awww, I'm glad it could be an encouragement.
DeleteI absolutely think you've been colleging yourself! Honestly, girl, I am CONSTANTLY inspired by you and all the work you do. Between writing and blogging and working for magazines and just EVERYTHING. It inspires me to push farther with my own writing.
You're doing absolutely amazing, Tori. Keep being your awesome self. <3
You are so sweet. You made me smile and maybe almost cry haha. *hugs*
DeleteD'awww! *hugs back*
DeleteThat was beautiful, Christine! Basically summed up exactly how I have been feeling these last few months. *Bear hug* I hope you never let peoples opinions get you down, because you are AMAZING!!! You inspire me so much, your light just comes through in your blog and comments, and I feel privileged to know you ( even if it's online ;) )
ReplyDeleteI look up to you, your love for God, People, and life. I hope to be as strong as you one day!
Thank you for sharing this! <3
Okay, I am not even kidding when I say I was near to tears reading your comment. My eyes were literally stinging. Just...SKYYYYYE. It's people like you who keep me going and make my life so special. I feel so blessed to have you in my life!
DeleteYou are an absolute treasure, Skye. Don't you ever, ever change. <3333
Oh, Christine!!!
ReplyDelete*hugs you really hard*
When you said about being a "Failure" my heart just broke for you. No! That is so wrong! YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE. DON'T EVER FEEL THAT WAY!! (I mean, I realize that you were saying you are a "failure" according to the world and that you don't believe that... THAT WAS KIND OF THE POINT OF THE WHOLE POST but still. Please don't believe that!!)
This post resonated with me SO MUCH.
Firstly, you are AWESOME. Keep doing your own thing, even if it is not the Cool, World's Thing. Your thing is so cool!! I mean, look at you!! You have become a mentor to smol beans like me!!! You convinced me to do NaNo!! I finished my first novel BECAUSE OF YOU!! You write books (which I want to read...)!! You are doing JUST FINE. More than just fine!! You are exactly where you are supposed to be, I'm sure of it.
Okay??? Okay.
Secondly, yes. Yes, yes, yes to all of it. Every word of this post. PREACH IT, SISTAH. I was homeschooled my entire life too. So I know exactly what you mean... about it being just a tiny bit awkward when someone asks you where you go to school (and EVERYONE does. What is with that anyway??? It's almost like ADULTS don't know what to say to KIDS and so just rely on the ole Where Do You Go To School Question. Ugh. We could talk about something ELSE, you know. Like have a regular conversation. #rantover) and the raised eyebrows and... I don't know, struggling to feel PROUD of being homeschooled??? I like being homeschooled, but it's hard not to be ashamed of it when people react that way, you know??
And then, the college thing... Oh, man. Personally, I WANT to go to college. But still. SO MUCH PRESSURE IS PUT ON KIDS THESE DAYS TO GO TO COLLEGE. It's crazy!!! Like I said, I'm super excited about college. But if I told people I wasn't going??? I can only imagine the incredulous response!! Another thing that bothers me is that people expect me to have my whole life figured out and I'm not even a senior yet!! The FIRST thing someone asks you as a high school student is where you are going to college. Like... what if I don't know yet??? What if I'm not sure?? People act like that's not okay... And it is!! Everyone also seems to expect you to know what you'll be studying (and I do, but that's beside the point! We're teenagers... practically kids!! That's a LOT of pressure to put on someone so young. It can feel overwhelming. People need to back off a bit.)
Anyway.
I know I'm rambling but... your whole rant against the Stereotypical Life was just so SPOT ON. Thank you.
*hugs you again*
AAAGGHHHH. GIRL. YOUR COMMENT. I JUST CAN'T. I don't even know what to saaaay. Just...THANK YOU!!! I do try to remember I'm not a failure. The doubts just like to show their ugly heads sometimes, and then God has to get a hold of me and pound into my stubborn skull that I'm right where He put me. And He uses precious people like you to remind me of that. <3 Just just just...you're gonna make me cry! It makes me ridiculously happy to know my silly little blog and silly little self actual does encourage sometimes. GAH. YOUR WORDS. <3333
DeleteWhy DOES everyone in the universe automatically ask you where you go to school? I mean, there are other conversation starters, people! And I soooo feel what you're saying about struggling to feel proud. YES. I AM proud to be a homeschooler. Very proud! Homeschooling is AMAZING. And yet people sometimes make me feel like I should be ashamed. What is that about??? Ugh. It's so annoying.
Oh man, the college thing. Yesss. Going to college is fine. It's good! But not going to college is fine, too! People just...don't seem to grasp that concept. >.> And YESSSS. Why oh whyyyyy must we have our ENTIRE lives figured out by the time we're 17 or 18? I mean, if I had made permanent decision when I was 17, will my 50 year old self be happy? WHO KNOWS? We should be allowed to take some time to figure things out, to try new things. To fail and try again. We've got our whole lives ahead of us! Putting pressure on 18 year olds to make permanent decisions just...doesn't make sense to me.
You should have written my post for me! Everything you said is my precise feelings on the subject! To quote you: PREACH IS, SISTAH.
I just want to read your comment over and over. You're the best! *HUUUUGS*
YOUR BLOG IS AWESOME AND WE ALL LOVE YOU. *hugs you*
DeleteMy theory is that adults are actually very Socially Awkward with talking to kids so they just ask stock questions like "where do you go to school?" and "what grade are you in?" which of course is dumb like PLEASE SOMEONE just ask me what I'm PASSIONATE about and we could have SUCH A COOL CONVERSATION!!! (Actually this random stranger at a wedding asked me what I was "into" and I said writing and she was SO INTERESTED and told me that she went to college with Elizabeth Anne Stengle and said that she could get us in touch with each other if I wanted and I just... THAT WAS SO COOL OF HER.)
DEFINITELY AGREE.
Another thing you mentioned was the whole getting married thing and even though I'm super young yet, I don't really plan on getting married but people just smile when I say that and act like I'm just a wee child who has no idea or, alternately, they act shocked and disgusted like the Eleventh Commandment is Thou Shalt Get Married And Have Ten Homeschooled Children. Grrrrrrrrr!!! What is I don't want the Typical Life???
Ha! YOU DID AN AMAZING JOB OF IT YOURSELF, DEAR!!
YOU'RE GOING TO SLAY ME WITH NICENESS OVERDOSE. *hugs you back*
DeleteOkay, but your theory is SO GOOD. I bet you're right! That age gap can be awkward. Being an adult DOES NOT take away the feelings of shyness or awkwardness. Technically I'm an adult (????) and I'm REALLY bad at coming up with more creative questions for people. SO YES. This is a new revelation!
BUT OH MY WORD. This person you met sounds amaziiiing. AND SHE WENT TO COLLEGE WITH AES???? :O EPIIIIIIC. I LOVE her question of asking what you're "into". I'm gonna start using that!!!
YESSS TO THE MARRIED THING. Literally it's like a SIN even MENTIONING you may not get married. When, actually, Paul in the Bible talked about how being single is a blessing and a GOOD thing because you can focus on God more instead of on your husband. Sure, being married is good, but being single can be a wonderful thing! Ugh. I just don't get people... *shakes head*
GAH. Thank yooouuu!!!!
Sorry!!! *sheepish grin*
DeleteI think it's legit. All adults ever ask me is how old I am (like, how would you like it if I asked you how old YOU are, sir??? Don't treat me like a toddler!) and what grade I'm in now. Ugh.
I know!!!
Right???? And single people are so FREE to do things that married people CAN'T do!!! Which is exciting and cool and we NEED single people!!!!
:)))
Oh. my. word.
ReplyDeleteI love this Christine. This was /amazing/.
I feel like this is a huge thing that so many homeschooled girls struggle with. I have no plans to go to college (or university, as it is in Australia) and that makes for strange looks and also scornful looks a lot of the time. And although I don't normally struggle with this...there's still those times when it can be /hard/. There are always days when everything seems just so darn difficult and they're the days when we most need things like this post.
The thing about today's world is that it's taking things like being a wife or a stay-at-home mother and saying that they're 'shameful' or 'worthless' and really that's exactly the opposite of what God tells us. And same with not going to higher education after school, or not leaving home, or SHOCK AND HORROR not even having a boyfriend. *gasps* And it's so so important to remember that this isn't the only way to do things. There is a far better way.
And that way is God's way.
*hugs this post* *hugs you as well* *goes and shares this on all four corners of the internet*
D'awwww, JANE. I'm so happy you enjoyed it! <3
DeleteYes, I 100% agree! In this day in age of being a "strong female", people expect us to go out and have hugely successful careers and things. But being a mother is the most important job in the world! How else will the world thrive if there aren't mothers? Making a strong, thriving home is how to strengthen the world, you know? And, come on, what takes more strength than raising children? Lol! I'm not saying we're all called to stay at home. I'm just saying we should NEVER be shamed for it if that's where God calls us to be.
And now I'm just babbling. You put it beautifully!
JANNNNNE. THANK YOU! You bless me so much!!! *hugs you back*
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for this post, Christine! I'm going to be a senior in college this fall, and I'm kind of panicking a bit. It's mostly been a good experience so far, but now things are becoming more and more "real" to me. Like, now I actually have to make steps toward finding a job, and I'm a little unsure as to what particular area of media production I should explore more. I feel pressure to get an internship but can't motivate myself to actually write my resume. I get more and more anxious about when I'll find a girlfriend (and whether God is calling me to the married life at all). I worry that I'm not making the most of my time during this, my last real summer vacation.
ReplyDeleteYou get the picture. Anyway, from time to time I get beautiful reminders like your post to not worry about conforming myself to the world's pattern. I've already been doing that: I was homeschooled many years, I took a year off after high school, I stay far away from the party scene at a public university, I'm not involved in ten student organizations, etc. I have to keep being reminded that God is leading me through all this, and He'll continue to do so if I only let Him.
I'm not really sure what my point is, but the main thing is thank you again for this post, and I humbly ask for you prayers as I discern day by day what God wants me to do with my life. I'll certainly pray for you! One last thing: a great bit of advice I received. If you're worried about anything at all, like a decision you have to make, or even just what to do with your day, just do the next right thing. Don't overwhelm yourself with the multitude of decisions further down the road. Whatever moment you're in, just focus on whatever the next right thing is. I hope that helps you at least as much as it's helped me!
Awww. I'm really glad you liked it, Maffles. ^_^
DeleteYou're going to be a SENIOR??? Wow, time flies! It seems like you just started college. That is awesome! But I can imagine the panic it brings, yes! That is definitely a huge time of transition--going to college to being through with college. And a time that I'm sure a lot of pressure is put on you. But don't rush into things because of the pressure! Take your time, explore the things you enjoy, seek out God's guidance. You have your whole life ahead of you! Just embrace this time of change to discover what you want to do next. ^_^
You said it best! God is leading you through it all, and He always will. Yes! Perfectly put. I know He's so proud of you for following His ways and not the world's.
Of course I'll be praying for you! I know this is such an important and impacting time in your life. You'll certainly be in my prayers. And that means so much that you'll pray for me. Thank you!
Oh my goodness, that advice is...life changing! :O What a simple but utterly meaningful way to live. I LOVE THIS! THANK YOU!!! I will absolutely be remembering this. That's one of the best pieces of advice I've ever received.
Keep shining for Jesus, Mattiford. ^_^
Time flies indeed -- side note, it's been 7 years now since PE started. Yikes. Anyway, thank you so much! I'll do my best. ^_^
DeleteThanks also for you prayers, and I'm glad you found the advice so helpful! I kind of want to make "do the next right thing" into a bumper sticker, lol.
You too, Lauri. ^_^ And I look forward to more of your posts. :D Not sure when I'll be leaping back into my own blog, hopefully soon.
It HAS been 7 years, hasn't it? o.o THAT IS WILD. I need to pop over there and say hi sometime. I miss you guys!
DeleteThat would be the coolest bumper sticker! :D And now I want to put it on my wall or something. It's such a great quote!
I've missed your blog. I'm so happy to hear you're still planning on going back to it. But take your time! I totally understand you're crazy busy right now! Haha.
This is SO. GOOD. I agree with you wholeheartedly! I'm close to graduating high school, and I've already been getting asked questions; What are you going to do after this? What's next? Where are you going for college? It gets old.
ReplyDeleteThis post just makes me so happy and makes me feel not so alone on this subject. ^_^ Thank you for posting this! <3
AWK. Thank you!!! I know it gets so tiring, yes! I graduated high school 7 years ago and I STILL get asked things like that! Does it ever end? Am I going to have to be 50 before I stop getting asked these awkward questions? *shakes head* It's silly.
DeleteBut you are definitely not alone! And most importantly, you have God to help you through this and guide you. It's so encouraging to know that even if the world thinks we're crazy, God is for us. ^_^
This is so awesome!!! I'm homeschool kid myself, so I know what you mean about weird looks - especially when you used to go with your mom to the store in the middle of the day and get a lot of "why aren't you in school" looks. #funtimes
ReplyDeleteI love the points you made! God does often use people in crazy ways - I like the idea that one of them could be staying at home and writing. I have a chronic illness myself, so I get what you mean about health problems as well. I'd love to be out and doing stuff, but honestly? I can't. And I have to trust that God can use that!
Amazing post!
Thank you!!!
DeleteEEP. Fellow homeschooler! *fist-pump* But yessss, all those weird looks when going out. Boy do I remember those days!
I'm so sorry to hear you have a chronic illness that often keeps you home as well. It can be so hard. But God can DEFINITELY use it for the good! Honestly, if I hadn't been unhealthy, I may have gone to college and pursued all sorts of things I wasn't supposed to. Because I have to live a quiet life, I took up writing, and have had time to put effort into it and discover it's what I want to do with my life. If not for having health issues, I may not have pursued it like I have. So I think my health problems have actually been a blessing in the long run, even though it's hard sometimes. So don't get discouraged. God knows exactly what He's doing, and I know He has amazing plans for you. ^_^ *hugs*
Thank you so much! It makes me happy to know you enjoyed it!
Christine, this is beautiful!
ReplyDeleteIt really hits home, too. I'm no stranger to funny looks or altered tones of voice. However, I'm enjoying this path I'm on- it may be lonely, but it's scenic.
EEP. Think you, Blue!!!
Delete"It may be lonely, but it's scenic." <-- That needs to be hung on a wall or something! I'm so sorry you also deal with all the judgy-ness the world dishes out, but you have such a beautiful perspective! I love your outlook on life! ^_^
AMEN!!!!!! Thanks for this! You don't know how ENCOURAGING it is. <3333333
ReplyDeleteAWWWWW! YOU. <3333 I am SO happy it was encouraging. I really hoped I could encourage people with it, because I know this life we lead is hard. I think we all need a boost of encouragement now and again.
DeleteYou're not a failure! *hugs* I totally get all the pressure though. I'm almost 23 and also in the no-boyfriend/no-dates category, and I'm pretty sure I worry less about this status than a lot of people who know me, hehe.
ReplyDeleteI was homeschooled for most of my school career (including all of high school—and I loved it, which makes me even weirder, I guess), and there was still a huge stigma around homeschooling then. I have to say I'm proud of how differently people are viewing homeschoolers now though! I mean, homeschoolers are awesome! I also didn't go to college immediately after graduating, and I ended up not finishing due to life stuff. But sometimes that's how things go, and it's not a bad thing by default when things don't go according to plan! And there are so many opportunities to learn outside of the patterns. (And colleging is totally a word now.)
Thank you so much for posting this! It was a much-needed encouragement. :) It is hard to not compare one's self to everyone else, or even to the standards and deadlines we set for ourselves. I know my life is no where what I would have imagined it to be when I was a little kid, or a teenager, and sometimes not even what I would have expected as a younger adult. But I'm learning to be okay with things not going as planned sometimes (because my plans definitely aren't always the best ones!). So, I'm trying to see the unexpectedness as a way to grow and challenge myself. I've a long way to go, but I hope I'm improving. :)
D'awwww! Thank you, Jameson! *hugs back*
DeleteThe world puts too much pressure on these things. It's just ridiculous. And I laughed out loud at what you said about you worrying less about your boyfriend status and such than other people do, because I feel the SAME. A lot of people in my life seem waaay more concerned about me getting married than I do. Lol! XD
I loved homeschooling, too! It was suuuuch a blessing! Homeschooling is AMAZING. I don't get why we have such a bad rep. But it IS getting better, yes! Back in my young days, homeschooling was still kind of an unheard thing. But these days it's getting to be much more normal. Maybe a generation or two from now, homeschoolers won't get those raised eyebrows. ;D
"... it's not a bad thing by default when things don't go according to plan! " <--YESSS. I love how you put that! We all have this specific plan laid out in our minds. But, really, God usually has BETTER plans for us, and sometimes it's GOOD when our plans fall apart.
Awwww! I'm so happy it encouraged you. Seriously, that means so much to me. ^_^ And I know exactly what you're saying. My ten year old self very much imagined my 25 year old self as married with kids and a published author. Haha. But, you know, I'm happy where I am. I still have my whole life ahead of me. I LOVE how you said it--see the unexpectedness as a way to grow and challenge ourselves. YES. What a beautiful way to live!
Thank you for your comment, Jameson. It blessed me! ^_^
It might not be advice that applies to you at all, but I know that I started getting far less headaches when I started drinking mostly water and increasing my overall liquid intake.
ReplyDeleteThat's very good advice! I know drinking lots of water can help big time with headaches. But in my case that's not it. I drink so much water I'm probably going to drown. Lol! I pretty much 24/7 have a drink with me, and the majority of the time it's water. Lack if liquid intake is not something I suffer from. Haha.
DeleteBut thank you SO much for taking the time to offer some advice! That means a lot to me. ^_^
I'm a little late. . . but YES. See, I remember being home-schooled in a time and place where it wasn't normal, so our mom would try not to go to the store before three in the afternoon, because of course we'd be with her, and she told us "People will think you should be in school", and sometimes when we did have to go, people would say to us, "Oh, do you kids not have school today?" and we'd have to say "We're home-schooled." And the response did vary. Sometimes people would say "Oh, that's great!" and sometimes you could tell they were thinking "Where do these aliens come from?" But we were kids, so it didn't bother us much (I mean, any more than strangers-talking-to-us normally did). When we got older, though, we noticed it a lot more, and it never gets easier to say "Actually, I do have real school to do" on the five hundredth time.
ReplyDeleteAnd then I grew up and went to college. Whoops. I thought I'd get a B. A. in Creative Writing, because though it's true that you can only learn so much about writing in class, and there's a lot you can only learn by trial and error, people can teach you some things. And I'd been writing alone, without much help or guidance or support, for several years, so there might be basic rules I didn't know existed. And on the first day of my first class the teacher said "Show, don't tell", which was the first I'd ever heard of it. So that kind of bore out my idea.
Then as I went through college (I'll be a senior this fall) I found out that I'm actually a bit ahead of the program in some ways and I disagree with its foundations in others. At this point I'm finishing more for the people, and because I like to finish a thing I start, than for the classes.
But at the same time I'm living at home and no love interest in sight. (Loads of boy friends, two words, not hyphenated, though ;)). And I come from circles where people in general, not just girls, usually don't go to college, and where they do get married. So I get a lot of raised eyebrows, from people who think I'm plain weird for being home-schooled and living at home on the one hand, and from other home-schoolers for going to college and not having any interested guys (although in a more friendly way). (And I actually didn't want to do college at first, just because so many people were assuming I would, and I don't like to do things just because everybody else does.)
Well, that was long! Maybe I should just write a post of my own about this. I think home-schoolers tend to think about it more, because we're used to not following the expectations of the majority of the population.
There's a funny family story about my dad pulling his math textbooks out the dumpster in eighth grade, because he planned to have a daughter named Sophia and home-school her, even though home-schooling was illegal where he lived (he also kept his second-grade spelling book). Crazy as the idea was at the time, it ended up being legal by the time I came along --- and then he had to win my mother over to the idea, which was probably harder!
https://ofdreamsandswords.wordpress.com
We did the exact same thing! Because homeschooling wasn't as widely known or accepted (not that it's fully accepted now, but more so than a decade ago!) when we were younger, we'd try not to go out and about until later in the afternoon to avoid the awkward questions and raised eyebrows. Or have to explain that we can actually get school done early in the day and not have to do it all day long. Or, as you said, explaining that we do actually have real school work. Because "homeschooling" is NOT synonymous for staying at home doing nothing, people. >.> It's anything but!
DeleteCollege is so confusing, because I know you can learn a LOT from it (I've considered taking some writing courses, and who knows, may still do it someday), but so many colleges also try to pound completely wrong ideas in your head. So I guess you just have to go in willing to learn but also sticking firm to your beliefs. I love your posts when you're talking about the wrong ideas they teach you in college, and how strong you are in your beliefs. You're an inspiration!
It's true that homeschoolers all kind of have our own "Life Pattern" as well for each other. Why can't we all just realize every person has a different life? That God has different plans for each of us? I don't know. The human race is just in general too hard on each other. Lol.
I would loooooove for you to write a post on the subject! :D That'd be awesome!
Oh my goodness! That is so cool about your dad. How precious his plans of having a daughter named Sophia and homsechooling her came true. What a blessing! And even more of a blessing that homeschooling became legal. God is good! ^_^
Thank you for this post. Wow, you hit everything spot on.
ReplyDeleteI had my life pattern planned out perfectly when I was six. And God looked at it, probably shook His head at my stupidity, and rearranged everything into what turned out to be perfection for me.
I completely understand the homeschooler dilemma. I hated having to answer that yes, I really did go to school; no, I didn't (always) do school in my pjs; yes, I could still have friends (even though I really didn't have any close friends outside my siblings); and yes, I really did love being homeschooled. Homeschool, IMHO, was basically the best thing ever. In the easier grades, I was able to teach myself as I went along (in certain subjects) so oftentimes I would get up at 6am and have all of my schoolwork done before lunch... sometimes even before breakfast. Did I learn? Well, I'm pulling a pretty good average here in college, so I think that settles the question.
My plan/life pattern was set up very similarly to how yours is typed out. Instead, God set up this one: graduate early from highschool, wait three years, have no full-time job, work part-time with my dad on and off, finally get to go visit college after pretty much vowing never to go, attend college with a major that I hadn't planned on, and get married between my junior and senior years. I have no idea what God has in store for me, but I know I can trust Him because He is good and He knows what's best for me. That doesn't always mean that I DO completely trust with every circumstance that comes my way (I'm still learning that lesson). The only parts of my plan that actually came true were writing and working in a library (although not the original library I'd planned on).
But making these decisions and learning to follow the Lord's leading... wherever that may be. It is tough. People won't understand. I've had criticism from both sides of the spectrum where people have questioned why I didn't go to school immediately out of high school or have a regular full-time job when I turned 18. People have also given me the rant on why I shouldn't be in college. There's nothing wrong with being above 18 and being still at home. Honestly for me, I think it was smarter for me to be older still with my parents. And the food was a whole lot better, too! Just saying. ;)
Ok, I gotta get before I really get on my soapbox. Thanks again, friend, for this!! :)
Okay, your comment just MADE. MY. DAY.
DeleteOh my goodness, I was the saaaaame! Well, I was probably closer to 9 when I had everything planned. XD But I totally planned to go to college, be a published teen author, be married by the time I was 22 (no clue why I had 22 in my brain, I just always thought that's when I would get married, lol), have like four kids before I was 30, and live happily ever after. As you said, I'm pretty sure God shook his head at my plans. XD
Soooo much yes to the homeschooling thing! Having to answer all the questions--yes I actually do school, no I don't do it in my PJs all the times, yes I socialize plenty--gets so tiring. Ugh. Homeschooling WAS the best thing ever. I've always said it's one of the BIGGEST blessings in my family's life. And oh man, I looooved doing school early and getting done before lunch. Those days were the BEST. Hehe.
I just looove how God setup your life so beautifully! And isn't it fun when He leads us to do things we never EVER planned to do. That's always the best. XD Goes to show He ALWAYS knows better. But it is hard sometimes to remember to give Him the reins! Something I have to work on a lot...
Why are we humans so hard on each other? We seem to forget that we're each different and each have different lives. We can't all live the exact same way! How would that even work? Not going to college or going later is fine. Living with your parents is fine. (And yes, has the benefit of better food. ;D) If it's God's will, who are we to judge each other?
I think it's so beautiful how you're following God's plan, and how He's making such a wonderful story of your life. Keep being amazing, girl! <333
Awww, thank you!
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness, are you serious? :O ACTUAL TWINS. And I LOOOVED the way you worded that! The sheep analogy is perfect! It's so true. It's OKAY to take time out to figure out what you want to do with the REST OF YOUR LIFE. It's OKAY to do things differently. God calls us all to do crazy, unique things, and it's wonderful! ^_^
Your comment has just blessed and encouraged me. Yes, it's SO amazing and comforting knowing God's got it all under control. Keep following His plan for you life, girl. It's gonna be awesome!
I know I'm probably spamming your comment sections, and I am SO sorry, BUT!!! I relate to this SOOOO much!!!! Seriously, this post is EXACTLY what I needed right now...
ReplyDeleteI am a freshly graduated homeschooler (who has been homeschooled her entire life, as well!! *fist bumps*) who has suddenly found herself thrust out into the world of "EVERYONE IS GOING TO COLLEGE" or "EVERYONE HAS A JOB" or "WE ALL HAVE LICENSES SO WHY DON'T YOU???" And honestly, all of this REALLY wears on me after a while. ESPECIALLY the license one. I graduated a few months before my 18th birthday, and it seems like everywhere I turn, I keep getting slammed in the face with how I don't have my license yet, and how it's weird. No one really comes out and says it, but I can just sort of...feel it. I don't know, maybe it's just me, haha! XD
But YES! My dream is to be a full-time writer, preferably with a small side job so that I'm not completely broke while watching my rejection letters flood in XD, and I keep finding myself having to say that I'm not going to college because I don't think college can help me with what I want to do. Luckily, I haven't really run into anyone who has bashed me for this, but I'm sure that I'm not out of the woods quite yet... XD
Now that I'm out of school, though, I plan to pursue writing with all that I have. Writing is my passion (in the hopes that I don't sound annoyingly copy-ing-y, I believe with my whole heart that God has nudged me towards the writing life, as well) and I would love it if I could make a living telling the stories in my head. College or no college, I am going to chase after my dream with as everything I have!! (So sorry that this was such a long comment!!! I really loved this post, haha! XD)
Noooo! Comments make my world go round. Seriously, I get so excited when I have a new comment! Plus I really love to see when people read my older posts, 'cause that means they're still getting enjoyed. It makes me really happy. SO NO APOLOGIZING!
DeleteI am so, so, SO happy this post was relatable and could be an encouragement!
First of all, high-five for our very similar lives! :D That's so awesome. Homeschooling was the BEST. And I loooooove that God is calling you to write stories, too. GAH. That is just wonderful!
All the judgement CAN wear one down, yes. I like how you put that. It just gets really tiring and discouraging after a while when the world looks at you like a failure. It's like I have to apologize for my life choices when I know I'm doing what God wants me to???? That's just...not right. We should never, ever, EVER have to apologize or feel like a failure when we're on God's path for our lives!
You should NOT feel bad about the license thing. I didn't get my license until way later in life. I think I was 19, close to 20, when I got mine. There is NO rule in life that says you HAVE to have it by the time you're 16 or whatever, even if the world makes us think that. >.> It's totally our choice when we get a license, and some of us don't even really need it until later so...why rush it? *shrugs*
Anyways, I am babbling! But the point is, I think it's wonderful that you're pursuing your dream and not conforming to the world. You keep on writing and pursuing GOD'S plans. I know He has something absolutely amazing for you!!! ^_^
I know this is really late, but I just wanted to tell you this post is such an encouragement to me. THANK YOU. I'm definitely going to keep this bookmarked to come back to. :)
ReplyDeleteI actually LOVE when people comment on older posts, because it means they're still being read which just makes me ridiculously happy! ^_^ And you bookmarked it? MEEP. That's like the highest honor! I am soooooo glad to hear this was an encouragement. I was hoping it would be! People's judgment can be such a burden sometimes, and we all need a little encouragement now and again.
DeleteCHRISTINE, THIS POST. I'm pretty sure I skimmed it back in July, but fully reading it now is so timely as I get ready for college in a couple weeks. (Also, wow, now it IS August. O.o)
ReplyDeleteI *have* struggled with people's reactions to me not following the Life Plan, but what overshadows it is how I struggled (and still do sometimes) with the way life isn't following My Plan.
I had it all set out in my mind: graduate high school, throw my own little homeschool grad party, and then settle in to write full time. HA. That's not the way the world works, and pretty soon I realized, oh my, I have to get a job. And it may be a job that has absolutely ZERO to do with writing. But that's okay, I told myself. I'll work for a year, even in something as mundane as retail, and then I'll go to university for a creative writing degree and live happily ever after--the student who publishes her debut before she even accepts her diploma! How romantic! Buuut the months of job hunting began to mount, and by the time I finally landed my current job there was no way I could save enough for school by fall. So I pushed my plans back a year. And then, as you know, I wound up veering off my charted path for a college leadership program! (Thanks God He convinced me, because that was one of the best decisions of my life.)
And here I am now, about to dive into scary business school. Still unpublished. Still dateless. Still living at home. BUT THAT'S OKAY. Like you said, I'm right where God wants me right now. And if there's one thing I've learned over and over it's patience. It's knowing that everything I've perceived as a delay or detour has, in fact, been a blessing.
But how rude of those eyebrow-raisers to judge you, or anyone, based on whether you go to college! Honestly, there are SO many paths available to us. Why does society think a one size fits all Life Pattern is right for everyone? I wish some of those people would care to ask you what you ARE doing. They would soon realize:
A) Christine works at bookstore, where she's surrounded by her favorite thing ever and gets to brighten the day of ever customer who walks in.
B) Christine writes novels. BACON-FLIPPING NOVELS, PEOPLE. The amount of creativity and dedication that requires is massive.
C) Christine also writes a blog, and it's actually a ministry of its own. Just look at the response this post alone has received! People's lives are being impacted by your words every week, even if it's just the encouragement that they're not alone. Your words are resonating with us, and God speaks through them!
I guess what I'm trying to say is, people (myself included) should have the insight to go a little deeper when asking questions, and the open mindedness to encourage the vast variety of roads people's lives take. And also, God's timing, His plan, is far more fulfilling than any course we chart for ourselves, or any the world charts for us.
But whew, this comment has gotten long enough! If you can't tell, I loved your post, girl! You keep doing exactly what God calls you to do. It's all going to make sense one day; you'll look back and see the beautiful pattern God is weaving in your life. <3333
^works at *A*bookstore
DeleteOH MY GRACIOUS, TRACEY. YOU COMMENT. I just want to read it over and over and over and like...print it out and hang it on the wall or something! This comment made my DAY. Or month. OR LIFE.
DeleteOooh yes, I struggle with that too. So, SO much. And, TRACEY. I have to tell you! I LITERALLY just yesterday afternoon was whining to my mom and brother how I was already 25 years old and hadn't done anything worthwhile with my life yet yadda yadda yadda. And like God does every. single. time. I get in that mood, He reminds me that I'm where He wants me. And in this case He used YOU to do it! Because last night I saw this comment and it put all things back into perspective! And just SDKJ:LFKJSDF. YOU ARE SUCH A BLESSING TO ME!!!!!!!
But anyways! I 100% relate to everything you said. My 10-year-old self would have NOT expected my 25-year-old self to have never gone to college, to be unmarried, and not be published. But I wouldn't change the growth and experience I have received for 20 bestselling published books! God's plans are always SO much better than our plans!
I think it's so beautiful how He's made a path for your life. And how YOU'VE chosen His path instead of your own. That takes so much faith and maturity. You're a treasure! <3 God has already done SO many amazing things in your life. And I know He has absolutely wonderful things to come. I look forward to seeing all the amazing places He takes you!
I really don't know why it's such a big deal to not go to college. But TRACEY!!!! YOUR WORDS. BACON-FLIPPING NOVELS??? OH MY WORD. I literally stopped reading for a moment to bury my face in my hands and squeal when I read that!!! And now I'm just sitting here trying to figure out how on earth to even express what your words mean to me. And I CAN'T. You're just...one of the biggest blessings in my life. Like I said, God used you yesterday to realign my perspective. And I can't thank you enough for being such a wonderful, godly friend! *HUUUUUGS*
I LOVE what you said about asking deeper questions, broadening our minds and realizing there are a variety of roads. YES. THANK YOU!!! That is exactly what I was getting at. We do get so focused on college and careers and set patterns that we forget there's SO much more to life.
I honestly can't thank you enough for your beautiful words. They have touched me SO deeply! Thank you, Tracey! You are such a blessing! <3333
Oh my gosh, really? *tackle hugs*
DeleteI'm so blown away! For real! That's the coolest thing! I love how God uses people and coincidences to encourage us, and I'm so, so honored to be a part of this "coincidence." ^___^ I WISH I COULD SEND YOU A REAL HUG.
But you know what this reminds me of now? How bamboo grows. When it's planted, it takes THREE YEARS before you see anything happening above ground (or so I'm told). One seemingly fruitless month after another, someone waters it and tends it, but sees nothing for their labor. And then all of a sudden, a bamboo cane starts to grow. And in a matter of a short 60 days, a cane of bamboo has shot up. Some supposedly grow nearly three meters a day for a while. So all these years that seem like they're not going anywhere? They ARE. And somebody you'll see it!
Haha, my 10-yr.-old self wouldn't have planned it this way either! (Sheesh, my 18-yr.-old self didn't plan it this way.) But I so agree--I wouldn't trade this journey for all those things I'm reaching for! It's the process that's making us ready for those dreams, and God knows we need this.
I'm speechless--thank you, girl, SO much! <3 It's still something I have to choose daily. And some days I don't choose it, and instead get upset or depressed about losing my grip on my plans. But slowly, slowly, I'm learning to shift into God's way of thinking a little sooner each time. <3
I'M SERIOUS. BACON-FLIPPING, TABLES-TURNING NOVELS. IT'S AN ACCOMPLISHMENT. And I'm ridiculously delighted about all this!
YOU are a huge blessing to ME! This comment brightened my day! :D
I WISH I COULD GIVE YOU A REAL HUG, TOO!
DeleteOh my goodness, Tracey. *clutches heart* That is one of the most beautiful, encouraging analogies I have ever heard of in my life. You need to write a blog post using that or something! THAT IS SO GOOD. I must always remember this. What a wonderful way at looking at our lives!
"It's the process that's making us ready for those dreams, and God knows we need this." <--Yes, I love that! Your words are so uplifting!
Oh me too, me too. Like I was saying, I get in those whiny moods and forget God's path is far better than my own. I think we all have those moments. But I think it's that we try and always seek God to help us get out of these ruts that matters.
I CAN'T WITH YOU AND YOUR NICENESS!!!!! <3333333
Ooh, good point... *adds to list of blog post ideas* I think I'm reminding MYSELF of things as we have this conversation! ^_^
DeleteDefinitely. The fact that we're seeking and trying is huge.
WELL, SAME, DARLIN'! <333333
I just want you to write ALLLL the blog posts! :D
DeleteThat why I love our chats so very much. I am CONSTANTLY learning things and digging deeper into them because of our discussions. You're so good to talk to! *all the hugs* <3333
I'm late to the party here, but this post really encouraged me! Such a good reminder that God's plans are ultimately best, though we may not understand how until later. And I'm in your exact position: I'm 25, unmarried, never had a boyfriend, chose not to go to college (I knew I wanted to be a writer, a skill I could teach myself), and have health problems that would make it difficult to attend college and/or keep a regular job. And I'm still living with my parents. It was a comfort to learn that I'm not alone in this situation--and neither are you! :-)
ReplyDeleteI enjoy your blog too, and your writing style; it's chatty and funny, but articulate as well!
No, no! I love seeing people still reading and commenting on my older posts. It gives me a thrill every time! And I can't tell you how happy it makes me to hear this post was an encouragement!
DeleteWhoa. Our lives are insanely similar. And we even are both Christines. That is wild!
It's so encouraging to ME to see others breaking away from the Life Pattern and choosing GOD'S path for their lives. ^_^ Keep fighting the good fight and following God's paths. I know it's not always easy, but He will lead you to beautiful things! <3
AWWWWW! That is so nice of you to say. Just...EEP. Thank you!!! Your whole comment has brightened my day.